A Lament for my Race...

I'm not sure if I have yet to blog a post without pictures. This might actually be a first.


  How does one get away from one's own brain and thoughts? I told myself long ago that I needed to stop reading the comments on youtube as it seems like the majority of people who actually take the time to post are spouting nonsense, insults and garbage more than they are posting anything worth reading.

 There have been two terrible incidents this past week that have been plastered across newsboards, and websites; the Boston bombing and the fertilizer plant explosion in Texas. The comments that were left on a couple of related video's were absolutely appalling. Appalling. My faith in my race has not been strong since my teens years. The establishment was successful in convincing my parents that I needed Ritalin and Prozac to lead a more 'stable and normal' life. With these drugs I could obtain better balance. The chemical change in my poor little brain was so negatively pronounced that my alarmed parents took me off of the drugs within just a couple of years, against doctors recommendations. But, a couple of years was all it took. I have felt a little 'off' my entire adult life.

  And when I read cruel comments made by the same animal as me, posted in response to tragic events I wonder what is wrong with the human race. It is not just me that is off-balance. What would make a people so cynical that there is no sympathy? There seems to be so little compassion left in us. What has happened, or have we always been nothing more than intelligent animals? I hate to think of mankind as nothing more than fancy animals, but that is exactly what some individuals are. And they are Nothing more than that. Fancy animals.

  Has this organ in my brain always been wicked? Where has the balance gone? There is still light here, I can feel it. The yin-yang of my own soul is present but unbalanced and this seems to be the case with my entire race. We are never happy with what we have, we always long for something more or something different. We consume and consume, always hungry and never satisfied, never full and content. We want what are fellows have only to get it and discover that still we are not happy.

  This is a sound board. I have nothing useful or profound to say this morning. Nothing insightful or productive, just words formed in my mind that need desperately to get out of my head. I have so very much in my head that needs to come out, yet I don't know how to retrieve and remove it. Or even if I want to; would I still be me if the darkness was enveloped by light? Could the wolf in my mind survive off of brilliant light and no sweet darkness of delusional dreams? I am unsure. And it matters not anyways. She is apart of me and there can be no separation. She either sleeps or prowls in my mind. She does not leave me.

  There is a story in my head. A story that wants to get out, but frightens me. As I am not sure I can give the characters what they want as I am not sure what the characters need. I am a Goddess in my worlds and I love my creations. Corey Mann, you beast! What do I do with you??! I fear that if you stay in my head and do not come out you will drive me insane. But, you beast! You beast!! How can I unleash you upon this world that is already so messed up? Who else would you eat up if I let you out?! I know you and Michael was not enough. Stephen was not enough. You would devour the entire world if I let you out. You would have to and could not stop yourself. You are the Dragon, after all..

  How did we get here? The weak do not die, the strong have no foothold, the pool is dirty and the yellow winds choke all...

  God help me, as I am obviously conflicted. God help us all as we are obviously killing ourselves with our own songs...